G Train wrote:

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A well known serial pest and low grade bail finder, made his DDCA T20 debut last night at Parkfield. He was given square leg duties only, just to give him some "experience" at this level apparently, which is a scary thought in itself.

Basically his role for the night was to count balls and adjudicate on run out decisions. He was in for an unexpected bonus though when he's far more experienced partner, allowed him to put the stumps in before play began and this is where his troubles started.... 

After at least half an hour of hammering away, the excited ball counter was finally satisfied with his stump-work and with players already waiting in positions for the game to begin, he got into a jog towards the social rooms to get his mallet and other accessories off the ground so play could get underway. There were women and children around who immediately packed up and left the ground in fear, after seeing the well endowed upper body of the umpire running towards them. As he trudged back to take his position at square leg, it was quite noticeable to all the players that the stumps were not in straight, in fact far from it. Without any exaggeration they were on a 30 degree angle slanting back towards the wicket keeper. The bails were also sitting up a fraction off the top of the stumps but it was decided that play should begin as we were already running late. Just as Berwick's opening bowler was about to start his run up, the bails fell off. There was a further delay as the bails needed to be put back on, which is when we come to the realisation that the stumps were also put in to close together and the bails couldn't actually sit in the grooves on the top. We sat them there as best we could and play got underway. Not an ideal start for the DDCA's newest version of JKP....

He also forgot his ball counter which made counting balls fairly difficult for the seemingly under-educated man. Problem solved though when he was able to muster up 6 small stones laying around the bike track and swap them from one hand to the other as each ball went by. This was closely monitored by the Parkfield batsman, Dale Harris in particular who kept looking to square leg to find out how many balls were left in each over, at one stage he even tried him at the start of an over, just to make sure he was on the ball. When he replied "six", Harris responded again "are you sure?" which then created a bemused look on the umpy's face and a giggle around the field.

Then he had only one decision to make for the entirety of the match. A ball was hit to point, the batsman set off for a quick single, the fielder picked it up and had an underarm at the pegs, missed, but the keeper was there to take off the bails and put up only a half hearted appeal as he was probably a good 2-3 feet inside of his ground. We look to square leg umpire to find him with his finger in the air prouder than a honeymooners prong and a big grin on his face. It was clearly not out.

Can anyone guess who this Umpy was making his T20 debut?

 

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 What is this all about Dirka? You told me you've improved. This is the work of a dumb child!

dirkhead wrote:

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GTrain I feel I need the write to reply about your defamationary comments about my umpiring. Just because you cant run in when you bowl because you cant get your bum and stomach between the 20/20 lines isnt my fault. For your info I have officialiated in 3 20/20 and look like getting a central gig next week. I hope its against you so I can fire you strate away when you miss it because you are thinking about your Zinger burger on the way home.

I had a hunch you would have a crack at my umpring. Look out I'll be in T1 soon.

 

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 haha very good.

Zinger Burger? You don't know me very well!