A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44.

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44? How did you get $58.50?

"Well the Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

A zoo got a new female gorilla, but she was very hard to handle because she was on heat, with no male gorillas around to service her. So they asked a big abo who had a job there cleaning up animal crap, whether he'd root her for $500 in the hope this might settle her down. When approached the big abo replied "$500? Geez bloke thats a lot of dough, i'll have a think about it, talk to my wife and get back to you tomorrow eh?".

The zookeeper wasn't real confident that this blokes missus would give him the nod, so he spent the night thinking of other alternative methods to settle this crazy animal down.

The big abo came into work the next day and much to the suprise of the zookeeper he agreed to do it, but only on three conditions.

1. No kissing
2. No one can possibly ever know

Then he pauses for a moment...

At this stage the zookeeper is getting very excited, so he asks come on, come on whats the third condition?

The abo says, ok bloke....

3. You're gonna have to be patient.....

The zookeeper says thats ok I reckon we can handle her for another couple of days, you just psych yourself up and let me know when you're ready.

Abo replies, that's not the problem mate, you have to be patient coz it's just gonna take a couple of days for me to get the dough together....






-- Edited by G Train on Wednesday 30th of June 2010 08:27:10 PM

I think I ****ed the punchline up, just changed it. It's something like that anyway, heard it the other day and had a decent LRQ.

Just letting you all know the Premature Ejaculation Society annual ball is on Friday night. No dress code, just come in your pants.

Rocky Burdett wrote:

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

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Hey Rocky, did you give Trish your password?

 

Nicko wrote:

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Rocky Burdett wrote:

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

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Hey Rocky, did you give Trish your password?

 

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No mate, all me. It's one of my favourites along with this beauty:

Why did the kid fall off the swing?

Because he had no arms...

 

whats black and blue and doesn't like sex?

a rape victim

why do tigers eat raw meat?
they cant cook

Rocky Burdett wrote:

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

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There's a follow up to that Rocky...

Why did the second cat fall out of the tree?

It was attached to the first one.

Why did the third cat fall out of the tree?

It got hit by a fridge....lrq...